Are you happy?

It seems a straightforward and easy question to answer, right?

But when people sit down and ruminate on that question, it often becomes something much deeper.

And if you sit down with that question for a few minutes, your answers may surprise you.

Are your days filled with positivity, happiness, and laughter?

Or are you just kind of happy? Content. I mean, things could be worse, right?

Maybe your days filled with constant battles with anxiety, stress, and overwhelm? Or even crippling self-doubt and fear?

You might even be a little lost. Or a lot lost. Looking at your life longingly. Feeling a pull in another direction, wanting – needing – a change, but it’s so hard to even consider. Because where do you even start?

No matter how you answer, I bet there’s a part of you that feels like something’s missing. Like you want more, and you may or may not know what that more is.

And it’s dragging you down. You don’t laugh as much; you don’t smile as much; you don’t talk as much. You find it harder to remain happy every day. The little things — stress, anxiety, self-doubt — get to you and drag you down, burn you out.

Sure, there are little things you can do to ease some of that stress and to be happier. But usually, that just scratches the surface, it’s just a band-aid because there’s a deeper cause to these problems.

And the underlying issue remains.

No matter your situation, you’re not living your best life. And odds are, deep down, there’s something constantly whispering and nagging to do something, but you push it back down and go on with your day.

And I know what you’re thinking:

Okay Jay, sure, but how do I find the time to live my best life?

And how do I live my best life, anyway?

And what if I don’t know what my best life looks like?

I’ll address these below, but first, know this…

You Deserve to LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE

You should always put time and energy into yourself and your happiness, no matter what. Yet as life gets busy and stressful, self-care the first thing that goes. Many of us sacrifice our well-being for our career, our family, or many other reasons. And that’s admirable. But always find some time for yourself. You deserve to be selfish sometimes.

But how to live your best life is really the question, isn’t it? Because many don’t know what they want, let alone how to attain it.

Let me answer your questions briefly before getting into the meat and potatoes of this article: The 6 pillars of happiness, below, will give you a new perspective, shift your mindset, help you grow. And yes, push you to take action.

You’re going to have to do some work – anything worth getting in your life takes work – but this isn’t the kind of work that will leave you exhausted and stressed out. It’s the kind of work that’ll help you learn more about yourself and grow in new and wonderful ways.

What you don’t know, you’ll learn. What you can’t do, you’ll realize you can. What you never thought possible, you’ll realize, is more realistic than you thought.

And you don’t have to put in a lot of time, just do something to move the needle forward each day.

You could continue to live like most: Do what you have to do to get through the day, and put off being happy, setting your goals, and pursuing your dreams. And then wait. And wait. And wait. Until the perfect time.

Or, you could read below and start taking steps to be happy and live your best life, today. No more putting it off. No more waiting.

Because pretty soon, it’ll be 2022 and you will have done nothing. Then it’ll be 2028, and you’re still living unfulfilled, waiting for that perfect time.

But here’s the truth:

The perfect time doesn’t exist. 

Which is why so many people are going through life unhappy. 

Because one day will turn into one month will turn into one year, and so on…

And that could be you, too.

Or you can start on your path to happiness today.

Enjoy the Journey Into Your Growth Zone

I don’t know what your best life looks like. I don’t know what your passions, desires, and dreams look like.

And that’s the beauty of it, they’re yours and yours only.

Unfortunately, they stay that way, because most people never pursue them, and if they do, it’s a half-assed effort and given up on before anything meaningful happens.

But you deserve to let them out into the world. You deserve to know your purpose and to go for it, whatever it takes.

But it’s not only the results that are most important for success and happiness, but how you get there — so yes, chase your dreams and desires, but enjoy the journey too.

Along the way, you’re going to have to get out of your comfort zone, and that can be hard. But the journey you go on once you do will be one of self-discovery, personal growth, and happiness.

So use the pillars below to know yourself better, grow, find the dreams you want to pursue, and then pursue them unapologetically.

And enjoy every minute – the journey and the destination.

You deserve it.

1. Find Your Purpose With Personal Growth

Finding life’s purpose is hard for many of us.

I didn’t find it until I was 35, and in some ways, I’m still searching, and still working to make that purpose my reality.

And that’s okay.

No matter your circumstances, the important thing is that you keep searching, and you keep trying to make your purpose your reality. Don’t abandon personal growth as so many do to live a stagnant life. Continue searching and you’ll find it eventually, and you’ll grow like you never thought possible in the meantime.

To continually pursue personal growth is to continually find out more passions and more strengths, some that you didn’t even know you had. I never thought, even five years ago, that I’d be doing what I’m doing (and loving!) today.

And to that end, I’ll tell you this, which I wholly believe:

Your purpose lies at the crossroads of your passions and your strengths.

So, in other words, as you’re searching for your purpose, two of the most important things to keep in mind:

1. What are you passionate about? What keeps you up all hours of the night? What do you love to do so much that you lose all concept of time?
2. What are you really, really good at? If you’re not entirely sure, ask your close family or a good friend. Someone that’ll be straight with you.

Once you discover your passions and your strengths, your purpose will start to come into view.

But don’t let not knowing exactly what your purpose is stop you from moving forward.

2. Step On Over to The Other Side of Fear

George Addair states:

“Everything you’ve ever wanted is sitting on the other side of fear.”

In other words, if we let fear control us, if we never face it and fight through it, we’ll remain stuck where we are. We’ll get nowhere in life.

When I was a kid, I used to have this dream…well, it was more like a nightmare.

It was over thirty years ago, and I still remember it to this day.

I was standing outside my house playing as the sun went down. And like clockwork, every time, at the moment just before dusk, a semi would appear on the highway heading towards our house.

And I screamed.

Because to me, that semi meant darkness and doom.

It made my blood run cold.

I ran into our house, slammed, and locked the door. As kids do, I hid under the closest bed I could find.

I lay there silently, trying to quiet my breaths…and that’s when I heard the footsteps.

Closer…closer…until the black boots appeared in front of me.

And then…I would wake up sobbing and full of sweat.

I never knew how he, she — it — got in. But I always assumed it was through a window.

Sorry for the long story – I’m rambling. But I’ve always thought of that dream – that thing – as a manifestation of fear.

Fear is one of those things that you can lock the front door to try to keep out, but it’ll sneak around and come in through the windows.

There’s no escaping it. Fear will get in, so you have to face it.

What do you fear? What things do you think about doing that unleashes the fear and self-doubt within?

• Do you fear heights? Go skydiving.
• Do you fear public speaking? Sign up for a public speaking class. Feeling bold? Get on stage at a comedy club.
• Do you fear asking someone on a date? Make a bold move and just do it.

If you let fear control you, you’ll get nowhere. But once you face your fears, you’ll likely realize it wasn’t nearly as bad as you built it up in your head.

Heck – you may even like it.

3. Get Comfortable Being Uncomfortable

Do you ever feel like something’s holding you back? That no matter how hard you try, you can’t get past the same obstacles that keep you stuck in the same rut and prevent you from reaching your goals?

You’re not alone.

But you can’t change your life by doing the same things you’ve always done and expecting different results. To get the life you’ve always wanted, you have to do things differently.

You have to get outside your comfort zone.

You may ask yourself why because your comfort zone is all warm and cozy, and it’s so easy to kick back and relax.

But if you never try new things – never branch out – you’re never going to grow.

You’ll never break free of the bad habits and find the good out there. You’ll never find the things you’re damn good at and the things you enjoy – the things that lead you to discover your strengths and passions. 

The things that can lead you to live your best life.

Attempt to break free of your comfort zone. To step outside it daily, even if it’s just a little step.

Even a little step can be a massive accomplishment as long as you’re going in the right direction.

That, my friends, is how you grow.

4. Don’t Be Afraid to Look Stupid

“I have not failed. I’ve just found ten thousand ways that won’t work.”

~Thomas Edison

According to psychologist and author Dr. Brene Brown (and you can’t argue with her, since she is both a psychologist and author), the only way to experience success is first to be willing to experience failure.

There are very few people in the world who have not failed at something. Remember those painful grade school lessons when you didn’t pass the spelling test? How about when you got fired from your first job?

Fear of failure can paralyze you and keep us from trying anything worthwhile. But, there’s no such thing as a risk-free life. Being afraid to fail is one of the biggest reasons that people don’t live the life of their dreams.

But failure shouldn’t stop you, because failure is a normal part of life, and we’ll all experience it at some point. So, the only way to feel good about failing is to accept it and learn from it. 

It’s easier said than done, but you can embrace failure.

The most successful of us out there do, and they do so often.

They got where they are today because they embraced failure and learned from it.

Know this – if you’re out there going for something, you will fail. In fact, you’ll fail 95 times out of 100.

But failure is not the final result. Failure is a stepping stone on the path to success. 

“Negative results are just what I want. They’re just as valuable to me as positive results. I can never find the thing that does the job best until I find the ones that don’t.”

~Thomas Edison

Instead of avoiding it like the plague, you should try to fail.

One of my favorite success stories has been of Sara Blakely, and she gives so much credit to her father for her success in life, for pushing her to fail:

“My dad encouraged us to fail. Growing up, he would ask us what we failed at that week. If we didn’t have something, he would be disappointed. It changed my mindset at an early age that failure is not the outcome, failure is not trying. Don’t be afraid to fail.”

~Sara Blakely

Note: Sara Blakely is the uber-successful and awesome founder of Spanx.

Another takeaway: Just because you fail does not make you a failure. Disconnect failure – the thing – from yourself, the person.

5. Find Success with SMART Goal Setting

Once you know what will make you happy, it’s important to set goals. Having clear vision and focusing your energy on planning will help you move in the right direction, and ensure you’re always working towards your goals.

But more than just setting a goal, you need to set SMART goals.

Setting SMART goals will help you break down your larger goals into easy to accomplish tasks that won’t make your end goal seem impossible, no matter how massive it is.

To do that, determine your end goal and a timeline. When do you want to reach your goal?

Once you determine that, you can step backwards to map how you get there.

If your end goal is two years from now, what will you do this year to get there? How about this month? This week? Today?

Dig down and get specific – Remember SMART goals.

And don’t forget, every time you accomplish one of your goals on the way to your ultimate goal, congratulate yourself and get excited, no matter how small that step may have been.

6. Don’t Wait – Take Action Today

Most people fail because they wait for just the right time to take action.

They wait for the stars to align and their confidence to be sky-high.

You wait and wait, but that time never comes. And so you never take a forward step. Because confidence rarely magically appears, and the right time is a figment of our imagination.

They’re both sneaky attempts at procrastination (it’s funny how easily we fool ourselves).

The truth is, once you have the right goals mapped out, you have a simple choice:

Action or inaction.

The choice is up to you.

If you choose action, it can intimidate at times because you may not feel ready yet, you may feel under-prepared, but remember, it doesn’t have to be a massive step each day, but you should at least be taking a little step to reach your goal every day.

What action did you do today to reach your goals?

Most wait for the confidence to take action, but they have it backwards. Confidence comes from taking action, not the other way around.

And the confidence you gain from taking action will help you to take the next action.

That’s a cycle you want to be in.

time to live your best life

Do you feel stuck?

Do you feel like you want more in this life but don’t know how to get it?

Maybe you’re even a little lost?

It’s frustrating, and it can be depressing.

You want to do so much more.

Maybe you know what you need in life to be happy and you’re chasing it every chance you get.

Maybe you already know what you want but you don’t know how to get there or the timing hasn’t been right.

Or maybe you don’t know what you want, or where to even start.

No matter where you are, that’s okay. Use the steps above to guide you.

Start facing your fears and getting outside your comfort zone, and just doing something, and you’ll begin to take steps in the right direction.

Your passion, purpose, and happiness will become clearer and clearer as you continue to use these pillars in your life, and soon, you’ll see how to live your best life with absolute clarity. And then, it’s only a matter of time.

And here’s the kicker — doing new things, getting outside your comfort zone, and pursuing your passions is fun and you’ll learn more about yourself than you thought possible.

We’re only here for a short while, my friends, so it’s time to do everything you can and make the changes to enjoy your life every single day.

No more waiting around.