Have you ever felt everything was finally going your way, only to have it all taken away from you in the blink of an eye?

I remember laying on the couch in the fetal position for days. I remember laying in my bed at night, unable to sleep for even a few minutes, wondering where it all went wrong. I remember wondering if it was all even really worth it.

Yet just two months earlier, life was perfect. Everything I had worked for and so badly wanted was finally happening. I had just escaped the bitter cold winters of Minnesota for the perpetual sun and 85-degree weather of Hawaii, for a career I wanted with a small, family-owned business, and the woman of my dreams would follow me in a few short months.

It seemed like nothing could go wrong. I was on top of the world – there was no stopping me now.

Except – that’s when everything shattered.

Within two months it was all gone. The shiny new career was nothing like it seemed, the glamour of Hawaii had worn off, and the woman of my dreams decided she wouldn’t make it in three months. Even worse, she decided we were through.

I was heartbroken.

I was miserable.

And I was all alone.

Four thousand miles away from everyone I cared for.

The I’ll Be Happy When Conundrum

As difficult as that was, the experience also changed me and played a significant role in who I was to become.

Because after the hurt, after all the anger, after the depression, I was able to look back on my life with absolute clarity — maybe for the first time – and I realized that I wasn’t so depressed because of the breakup. Or being alone. Or even being so far from my friends and family.

I was depressed because I hadn’t been happy in years.

Almost as far back as I can remember, I wanted to quit my “corporate job,” I wanted to find the girl of my dreams, and I wanted to move from the frigid temperatures of Minnesota to the paradise of Hawaii.

But in all the time fighting for that moment – the many years – I was never happy.

Because I was too busy waiting – praying – for that moment.

And when it did, I was happy.

For a moment.

And then my perfect world crumbled around me, and I was right back to where I started.

But even if it hadn’t, the happiness wouldn’t have lasted long, because I was always playing the game for the end of the level. I needed to beat that level, then I would be happy.

And nothing in between mattered.

But then, I started the next level…

I wanted to be happy today, but I was always too busy chasing tomorrow. And maybe, just maybe, I wouldn’t have been so crushed when everything crumbled if I had focused instead on being happy today.

Maybe as you reflect on this statement, you realize that you, too, have been busy chasing tomorrow.

You aren’t happy now. But you will be happy just as soon as…

That may as well have been my motto.

And what did just as soon as ever turn into? Nothing more than the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow.

Because I was never able to be happy today.

I was always too focused on tomorrow.

That is – until I changed my ways…

Are You Chasing Tomorrow or Are You Happy Today?

Have you done it too?

Attribute your happiness to a future when?

You look into the future, find a place you want to be, and plant your happiness flag. And on that fateful day, when you reach your goal, then you’ll be happy.

Maybe the goal is enormous — like starting a billion-dollar business, getting fit like The Rock, or moving to Bora-Bora.

Maybe it’s packing your bags to become a digital nomad, starting a blog, or writing your first book.

Maybe it’s getting that promotion, getting a new job, or finally finding your soulmate.

And then, we will bathe in the sweet smell of success. 

For a moment.

Maybe for a day. Maybe a week. Maybe even a month.

But then, back to square one.

No matter how many times I succeeded, I realized that I was rarely sitting and content in happiness. It was usually like a quick, peaceful, “life is grand” dip in a hot tub.

Followed by an ice-cold shower.

As I planted my happiness flag off into the future once again, and I started the next level of the game.

We tend to do that, you and I. We think we will be happy when, and once we get there, we move our happiness to another when somewhere in the future.

It’s a vicious cycle.

Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius once wrote,

“You could be good today. But instead, you choose tomorrow.”

He was right; I only wish I had realized this long ago.

But it’s not too late for me. And it’s not too late for you, either.

Before we get into that, though, let’s talk about another version of I’ll Be Happy When – that we all do too much.

How to Be Happy — Once This Week is Finally Over

I used to live for the weekend.

And that’s almost even worse than living for an epic goal.

The workweek was just a miserable week, where I made the money I needed to live.

And the weekend was my opportunity to have non-stop fun and blow that money.

That’s an excellent analogy for the life that so many of us live.

We live for the weekends. But what about the five days in between? Shouldn’t we be happy then too?

Don’t you feel like you sometimes fast-forward through these enormous chunks of your life.

I’ve heard variations of this more times than I can count:

• “I need this week to be over.”
• “I can’t wait for this weekend!”
• “I’ll be great when this exam is over.”
• “I just have to get through this enormous project; then things will be better.”
• “I really need this vacation, only six more months…”

It’s all a variation of projecting your happiness to a future when. 

But what about all that time in between? Are you just content throwing it all away?

Because that’s what you’re doing.

Stop Fast-forwarding Your Life

Putting a spin on the words of Marcus Aurelius:

“You could be happy today. But instead, you choose tomorrow.”

So let’s say you choose tomorrow, like I have so much, I have a question for you…

What if Your Happiness Doesn’t Come?

I put a lot into moving to Hawaii, getting married, and starting my new life there.

That was my happily ever after.

I would think things like, “all this time, and it’s finally happening.”

That was five years ago. I’m still not married, and I no longer call Hawaii my home.

Everything I put so much into evaporated in the time it took to send one brief text message saying, “it’s over.”

Sure, I was happy for a slight moment in time.

Then – poof – it was gone. Everything I thought I needed, gone in the blink of an eye.

I think a lot of us put too much stock into happily ever after. Whether it’s getting married and starting a family, moving to a tropical island, or living for retirement.

I have news for you, once you reach your happily ever after, if you reach it, it’s rarely just cotton candy and rainbows.

Life doesn’t work that way.

And that’s my huge regret.

Not that I went for it and failed – I will never stop going for GREAT things – but that I had spent years making that dream come true, but very rarely in that journey was I happy.

Stop projecting your happiness to a future when. Whether it’s a week, a year, or twenty years from now.

Find a way to be happy now, in this moment.

How To Be Happy Today

Do you remember being a kid? Were you happy?

When I was a kid, I was always happy. I would wake up and think: What am I going to do today?

The options were endless.

And I was almost always happy.

Somewhere along the path of life, that changed.

But you can get it back. Here’s how.

Be in Alignment with What’s Special

We grow up, and we suddenly have responsibilities – bills, house payments, jobs — and with them come stress.

A coach I’ve recently met put it better than I could:

“as you grow up, you get more into line with what’s expected, and more out of alignment with what’s special.”

~Andrew Horder

And that rings true. As I grew up, I did what was expected of a small-town kid. I never thought about what would make me happy. I just thought about what I was going to do for a living. I thought about the things that would make me happy down the road. Getting married. Having a good job with good health benefits and a good retirement package. Saving up for my dream trip, to see The Colosseum in Rome. None of which mattered now.

I stopped focusing on the present, and had a sole focus on the future, like so many of us do. It’s almost what’s expected of us.

And that brings me to my next point…

Live Your Life in Cycles

What we are waiting for is not as important as what happens to us while we are waiting. Trust the process.

~Mandy Hale

Over the past few years, the path to becoming an entrepreneur and digital nomad has been a grind. It’s been difficult not to put my happiness into a future when. But I now know that I have to focus on changing my perspective and being happy in the moment – throughout the journey – not just once I reach the destination.

And that is what you should focus on too – but it’s hard. It’s almost as if we’ve been culturally trained to do the opposite.

I recently read Psycho-Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz. (I highly recommend it).

In it, he discussed a way to live your life to be happier. He encourages you to: 

Live your life in 24-hour cycles.

Maxwell Maltz

Have grand goals, plan for the future, but learn to focus and be happy today. 

But, be careful…

Don’t Rely on Your Goals to Make You Happy

We are a goal-striving species. It’s essential to have great goals to strive for.

It’s essential to have a meaningful life, too; we need that. So focus on goals that will give you meaning.

You should have goals to set your sights on, have a plan to get there, and revisit that plan every day.

But then, focus on today and the task at hand.

The truth is, we don’t always reach our goals, especially if we shoot for the moon. But there’s some truth to the saying, “shoot for the moon, even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars.”

If you have ambitious goals, you may not reach them, but you’ll do some amazing things along the way. So if you put all your happiness into reaching that goal, you’ll miss all the stuff you learned, you’ll forget how much you accomplished. And worst of all, you’ll forget to have fun.

You should be ecstatic anytime you accomplish your goals – you should celebrate – but don’t forget to enjoy the journey there.

You Have So Many Reasons to be Happy Today

Look around. There are so many reasons to be happy today.

Below are just a few of the big ones that I focus on to make my life meaningful and happy every day.

• You are a goal-striver, so have big goals that you’re pursuing — starting a side-hustle, going for that promotion, having that big family you’ve always dreamed of – and those goals should make you happy – But don’t forget, so should the work to get there.
• Don’t get out of alignment with what’s special – do something you’re passionate about. If your goals align with that, even better. Work doesn’t seem much like work when you’re doing something you love.
• If you’ve done the first two bullets, this one should be a breeze. If it’s not, what can you do to make sure you learn to enjoy the journey, not just the destination?
• To really live a happy life, stop worrying so much about the past and the future, and focus most of your time on the now. Focus on living your life in 24-hour cycles.
• Be grateful. There are a couple of things you can do that go a long way…
  • Be happy for what you have and stop focusing on what you don’t.
  • Learn to be grateful for the little things in life.
  • One of my all-time favorite ways to be happy is by taking ten minutes a day to fill out a gratitude journal. Jot down five things at the end of every day that you’re grateful for. It helps you put things in perspective.
• Help others. I didn’t talk about this one much, but helping others is one of the truest forms of happiness. Just a little help – helping someone load groceries in their car, buying the person behind you a cup of coffee, or even just a compliment – can make someone’s day (and yours too!)

At some point, we put entirely too much stock into the theoretical when, and we lose sight of right here and right now.

We think it’s acceptable to say, “well, today sucks, but tomorrow will be better.”

Why is this okay?

Are You Happy Today?

Never forget that your life is fleeting. Don’t forget that today is almost gone, this week is nearly gone, and soon this year will be gone.

Stop wishing away today and start learning what you can do to enjoy your journey.

Yes, my friends, have ambitious goals. I’ve said it before, and I believe the heck out of it:

You are all capable of so much more than you think, and you can all be unbelievably successful in this life.

But while in pursuit of these ambitious goals, don’t forget to live today too.

Enjoy the journey.

There are always reasons to be happy today. It’s up to you to find them and focus on them.

Be happy today.

So you can be happy tomorrow.

Enjoy every step on your path to success.

And if you’re not doing that, I have a question for you:

Is what you’re doing even really worth it?